What a path this one is! One would like to believe that respect and kindness is something you don't have to actually think about. How very wrong!
Many know me and know that I am outspoken, how I am volubly protective of my inner circle, that sometimes I speak first without engaging thought process, without considering the feelings of others. Time for an honest look at oneself here.
How do I display courtesy and respect? Well on a day to day basis I ensure that I get titles correct, in the mundane world Sir and Ma'am are parts of my vocabulary, as are Mr, Mrs, Miss, until I am told otherwise. In the society, I endeavour to learn a persons name and the rank that they hold. Should they be a friend I use there SCA name at all times during an event. To me this is not only showing respect to the person but to the game that we play. Donna is the person that dresses in the garb at home, but Gabriella is the person that goes to events.
So if I introduce you to someone at the SCA I will use a title. "My lord, I would like you to meet The Honourable Lord Madog Llwyd ap Madog and his consort Lady Merewen of Twynham" I don't find it respectful to say Hey this is Chris and Sue and you should call them Llwyd and Merewen.
Lessons I have learned recently is to show kindness to everyone, regardless of gossip and third hand news. I have also made a determined effort to not speak unkindly about others and to address issues with people. I have taken a step back from conflict as I don't feel that I have anything kind or constructive to say in situations other than to express emotion based opinion.
Funnily enough, my efforts in courtesy have put me more at peace with my world.
My Peer will tell you I often act first, think later. It is the extrovert in me. I have a lot going on in my head and I have had to learn to control the overflow from the mouth. This journey has led me to a different focus. I have in recent months added to my courteous behaviour by actively remembering to think then speak and this means I end up treating all with dignity, respect and courtesy. Don't get me wrong, my confidants in my world will still hear me rant and rave but it does not go further. Now I find my respectful hat and address situations with a more noble manner, not so much Alice in Wonderlands, Queen of Hearts "Off with her head"
I love random acts of Kindness, gifting something to a child because they have admired it, simple compliments saying things such as the beadwork on your dress is fabulous, I love that colour on you etc. It is not hard to be kind, it can be as simple as can I carry that bag for you my lord, can I help pack your car.
Important things to remember to demonstrate courtesy within the SCA, for me at least, is that curtsying is important, even to your friends, manners are also important, please and thank you goes a long long way and making a judgement call.. If they hold title then they have earned it and as such respect should be shown. That just because they don't have a pointy hat on does not mean you forget your manners. Someone assists you a simple thank you goes a long way, someone assists you a lot a recommendation to the Crown can make their day, and a token of appreciation. I know carry a small ankh on a cord with me everywhere, just so I can say thank you.
One thing I know, people enjoy recognition. In our society a simple acknowledgement can go a long way but recognising someone for their efforts is even better. I enjoy nothing more than seeing the joy on the faces of award recipients when they stand up in court after being given an award. If I see deserving behaviour I will acknowledge it in this way. I don't have to be friends with someone to recognise the efforts they make for myself or others, if they are doing something simply for the betterment of the SCA then I will happily acknowledge their effort and recommend them to the Crown.
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